I was recently connecting with one of the incredible humans who will be featured in the Joy Potential documentary we are creating, as he was processing his relationship to grief.
One of the things I shared with him is about the power of positive pairing.
And this works for any emotion or experience we may find more challenging (not just grief).
Here’s how it works in case it can serve YOU…
Our amazing brains and bodies, behind the scenes, are constantly trying to make sense of the world in ways beyond our conscious awareness.
In doing so, we unconsciously make connections between feelings, people, experiences, and thoughts, creating countless pairings that link one thing to another.
Sometimes these pairings serve our positive growth, healing, and joy…
…and sometimes they hold us back and keep us stuck.
For example, as a child, when you reached for love, maybe you were met with criticism. Without realizing it, you may have paired the longing for closeness with the pain of rejection.
Later in life, when someone gets too close, that old pairing reminds you to be careful and keep a distance, so as not to get hurt, keeping you from the very thing (intimacy) that you crave.
At the same time, pairing is also the reason why certain music can instantly lift our spirits and some smells can transport us back to wonderful moments.
What’s so important to realize is that, once we become aware of the power of pairing, we can begin to choose more consciously what we link together…
…and we can pause to reflect…
>> “What am I pairing here, and is it serving me?”
Because we have options!
For example, we could link making “mistakes” with shrinking and fear
or
we could pair it with growing wisdom, courage, aliveness, and a deepened commitment to whatever we are creating.
Likewise, we could pair grief with closing our hearts and not trusting life again
or
with letting it open and carve out new places in our hearts for even more love to grow.
Or we could pair change with fear and instability
or
with possibility, evolution, and new opportunities.
To a profound degree, what we choose to pair things with can become a choice…
…if we slow down enough to unhook things from their outdated connections and give them a new meaning that expands our capacity for joy.
In other words, every experience, feeling, routine, thought, etc. is an opportunity to re-pair (or repair) these threads.
(Of course, I realize this is both simple and not so simple at all.)
A powerful starting place is simply to become aware of just how much you’ve paired things in your life.
And, if you’d like a re-pairing prompt, I invite you to try this on for yourself…
”I choose to pair _______________
(insert less pleasant experience, feeling, person, thing, etc.)
with _______________.
(what do you want this very thing to help positively grow inside of you?)
So that every time I experience_______________
(again, insert whatever needs some re-pairing)
it serves to________________.”
(choose what you want it to support you in becoming)
This is one way we can use all of our experiences, both the enjoyable and less pleasant, to grow and strengthen inside of us even more of who we want to become in the process.
It’s important to say: this is not in any way to make light of the magnitude of pain that comes from some life experiences.
However, if we are going to be experiencing whatever it is anyway, why not allow the pain to become part of the very medicine itself?
There are so many superpowers we have within us as humans.
May the power of positive pairing allow you to tap into a bit more of yours.
Sending abundant love and blessings for a beautiful week ahead xoxoxo
