Do you realize there are thoughts you are likely having right this moment that are profoundly formative, impactful, and damaging…
…and yet…
…you don’t even realize you are having them?!
In fact, they often remain camouflaged by the very emotions they create.
In other words, the emotions themselves become so pronounced that it’s easy to lose sight of the underlying thoughts that triggered them.
(This is part of being human and happens to all of us, so, rest assured, you aren’t alone whatsoever. )
Let me share a personal example from today…
My utterly beloved soul pup, Snuggabella, is at least 15 years old now.
As a rescue, she was found on the street with her three puppies 14 years ago, and I’ve been the luckiest to have her by my side nearly 24/7 since we adopted her.
It’s an immense privilege when we get to actually watch someone we love age.
Psychologically, as we witness them declining, it’s a sacred gift to be comforted in our grief by the very being we are already beginning to grieve.
(I realize we are not always so fortunate, and some deaths come unexpectedly and suddenly. Big hugs to your heart for all those moments too.)
Today is one of those days when sweet Snuggabella is moving exceptionally slowly.
Her deterioration is palpably and undeniably clear.
And I felt it, a wave of sadness, tears, and grief.
I’m so grateful.
Although I am a joy enthusiast, I’m also a passionate advocate for all of our precious, vital, purposeful feelings.
And, as much as I can, I am committed to welcoming them all, allowing them, loving them, honoring them, letting them move through my body, breathing with them, listening to them, seeing what they need…
…and also getting curious about any thoughts and stories I am telling myself (consciously or not) about the situation.
Here’s the thing…
We’re telling ourselves stories about pretty much every single situation, all the time.
Even when we don’t realize it.
Even when they aren’t true.
And our unconscious thoughts and stories can create immense suffering.
This is why I LOVE to bring my thoughts out into the light of loving awareness…
…so I can check to see if they are true or not, helpful or not…
…and then decide which thoughts I want to keep, which ones I want to release, and which ones I want to choose instead.
Cuddled up to my girl, honoring tears born from boundless adoration for this furry companion, I got curious…
“What stories are tucked inside these tears?”
Intellectually, I have made much peace about her inevitable aging and limited time and just feel so ridiculously thankful for every single second I’ve been the luckiest to have her in my life.
And yet…
…pausing to inquire a little more deeply into the wave of grief…
…I identified one sneaky story sprinkled in the mix.
Some part of me, albeit small and albeit right alongside another part of me that knows aging is a beautiful process…
…was unconsciously believing…
“This shouldn’t be happening.”
Having been deeply honored to sit in thousands of sessions with dear clients for decades, I have realized how often people (often unconsciously) tell themselves some version of the same:
“This shouldn’t be happening.”
Whatever it is.
Perhaps it’s a story you carry around in your own mind, so familiar you don’t even realize it’s there (or the harm it’s doing).
I’m so happy we’re talking about it together now, if so.
And I’m so thankful for the tools in my treasure chest I’ve collected over the years that allow me to quickly return to a deeper peace, again and again.
Today, it allowed me to quickly consider the possibility that, perhaps, this is true instead:
“It’s actually okay that this is happening.”
In fact, it’s more than okay.
Ahhh, yes. Total exhale. Peace.
As I write this, only minutes later, the thought “this shouldn’t be happening” feels distant and replaced by a spaciousness in my heart, body, mind, and spirit.
Simply present.
Anchored in a deeper, abiding quiet, lightness, and authentic joy that is always awaiting our return ~ underneath it all, beyond all the misunderstandings we pick up along the way.
Whether it’s around big things or small, I invite you to begin reflecting on this sneaky (and completely understandable) thought in your own life.
Here are a few compassionate steps to help you do so:
(I encourage you to try this for a personal situation, rather than global. And if it doesn’t resonate for one, try it on for another.)
(1) Notice where you feel sadness, disappointment, stress, frustration, anger, grief, etc.
(2) Compassionately and curiously check in to see if any part of you is running the story:
“This shouldn’t be happening.”
(3) Give yourself a whole lot of love.
(4) Consider for a moment that “this shouldn’t be happening” is just a story, just a thought.
That’s all it is.
It’s not “the truth” we mistakenly believe it to be.
(5) Take a deep breath. Place your hands on your heart (optional). And open to the possibility that it might actually be okay that this is happening.
And perhaps it’s all going to be okay too.
Whatever it is.
Pause to let this land wherever you most need to hear it.
(6) Notice how that feels different.
It’s an extraordinary and liberating experience when we can make peace (even make friends!) with whatever is arising.
When we make friends with our feelings, our fears, our wildest dreams, our pain, our wounds, our joys, our stories, and everything in between…
…what I’ve found is that it creates a much, much friendlier, more peaceful, and harmonious world, inside and out.
May this little inquiry breathe some more spaciousness and light into your heart this week.
Sending you so very much love, gratitude, and blessings always,
